Don’t Make This Mistake: Unintentionally Wrecking Your Relationship's Chances at Intimacy
There is nothing worse than being in a relationship or dating a man and having a fantastic time talking, joking, and discussing more serious matters when suddenly your relationship is over. Or you noticed that he's been more distant recently... He's not interested in your touch nor your flirtatious wit anymore.
So, what exactly happened? You ponder: "What did I do?" “Did I say anything to cause this?" “We’ve been together so long! We should be more connected and feeling more intimate, but I feel further from him than I ever have.”
When he suddenly flips, it's awful to see from a distance. A total surprise, with no warning or explanation! It feels like you're suffocating in a sea of doubt and confusion... Also, you're probably at a loss for words or actions that could restore the situation to normalcy!
You put on your scientist lab coat and start trying to figure out what went wrong. Or if he's changed his mind. Something must have happened for him to change so drastically.
Now’s a good time to take a breath and contemplate something introspective. The answer to the issue of why your relationship's connection has waned is not something you’ve been able to pinpoint on your own.
What's the matter? How much do men have to deal with on a daily basis in terms of" input" In other words, how much is he being bombarded with on a daily basis? Is it the constant stream of emails, phone calls, and social media messages? Because of all the chaos, how are you expected to get through it all and get what you want from him, given all that's going on? What you must understand is the following:In some ways, love is like a form of advertising (You need to be direct with a man, especially when he has so much going on, has a limited attention span, and doesn't necessarily want to hear what you say)
Marketers who are good at what they do realize that in order for their product and message to stand out, they must be concise and direct, and they must completely omit everything that a potential buyer might not want to hear!
You don't want to overlook anything that could jeopardize your message's ability to stand out in the competitive industry.To be effective, a marketing message must break through "the clutter." A message that is difficult to understand, convoluted, or simply too long will be ignored. The client isn't engaged because of the marketer's failure to engage them. In other words, no one hears what you're saying.
Understanding A Man's Heart & How To Get Through To Him
Let your imagination run wild with the variety of discussions you could have with a man if you used this "marketing" image in your head. Consider this:
Your thoughts and feelings are all about what you want a man to do to fulfill your desires.
Think about how many different thoughts and feelings are rushing through your mind and body at the same time. Say that you're getting impatient with him because he's always late. In order to express what you're thinking, you might say something like this to yourself:
"I'm stunned that you've done this again! Isn't it obvious to you how disrespectful you are? It's not just your opinion that matters, is it? Whenever you're a few minutes late, I'll be waiting for you. We were running a little late for supper last week. We were unable to see the opening of the film last month. After this, we're going to make our friends wait. When you do this, it bothers me to no end! You have to do something about that..."
If this is what you say, there’s only one natural thing that will happen. A man's natural reaction, when confronted with an issue like this, is to defend himself. Because you are literally attacking him!
Almost to the point of breaking, he'll believe he's let you down (which he has). What we would consider the "logical" course of action is to correct his mistakes and change his methods, but he'll only get furious at you for doing so.
This is when he'll fight you, get furious, or move in your opposite direction—to despair and depression—and it will be much more difficult for you to pull him back. In order to understand why your attempts to "get through" to a man haven't worked so far - and how to turn things around quickly (even if he's withdrawn, furious or depressed), do this: Less is more when trying to connect through your words…
Here's a basic yet incredibly effective Love Script from my book How to Make Men Chase You for you in this situation:
"I'm in a bad mood today. For me, both waiting and keeping my friends waiting feels unbearable. I don't want to be a downer all the time, but I'm at a loss. Are there any solutions that you can suggest?"
And that's it!There is no reference to "you" in the Script (except for the critical "What do you think?" bit at the end), but you have clearly expressed your displeasure and you have not explicitly criticized him (except for the important "What do you think?" part at the end). The ball is in his court now!
To help him feel better about himself, he now has a way of making things better for himself!
In fact, what you didn't say is more effective in getting you the outcomes you desire than what you did say.
Make that communication into a meaningful connection…
As I mentioned earlier, a man is constantly bombarded with messages and information. Every day, we are assaulted with a deluge of new information. We live in a digitally-driven world, so this is extremely relevant.
In addition, men lack the ability to "multi-task" in the same way that women do. He's easily sidetracked. He can easily let YOU and your needs fall by the wayside as he becomes preoccupied with things that seem important at the time.
Because of all the mental activity and bombardment he's going through, what he really needs from you is your feelings.
Emotions. Authentic, gut-level sensations that can be heard can help him rediscover what it means to be human.
Men Experience Things That Are Quite Contrary To What They've Become Accustomed To
And your ability to connect with him is based on how you convey those feelings. What you say, and what you don't say, says a lot about your character.
In a famous quote, it is explained:
When you think about it, "the tiger is held captive in the gap between the bars."
A man is no different. When you know what to say and what not to say, you establish a safe environment for you and your partner. A place where you can be yourself without fear of being judged, and a place where a man can be held in a way that makes him happy.This "gap between the bars" for a man is a skill that must be learned.
Learning to communicate your thoughts and feelings in a way that a man can actually hear is the key to this whole process. He'll be yours forever if you do.You can learn how to communicate properly with a man so that you don't mistakenly push him away. Having the appropriate mentor is all that is required.
Your man's sudden transition from being genuinely engaged and playful to feeling like he is a million miles away isn't something you're alone in experiencing. The way we communicate with him can make or break a great night with him! After you learn how to communicate with him in this new method, you will be able to become even closer to him.
Hey love, let’s stay together…
You don’t have to go through difficulty alone. You are never alone. If you need more help beyond what the free blog can provide for you, I’m here for you. My researched blogs will always be free because I want to help as many women as possible Raise the Bar, which will make the world a better, safer, and happier place for all of us.
If you’re still struggling, I’d love to invite you to get the book by clicking here. The book is great for “Do-It-Youself-ers” and Reading & Writing Learners. There are incredible, scientifically backed writing exercises in there that can transform your life if you practice them.
Finally, if you want to supercharge your relationship at lightening speed, I have two options for you: join the waitlist for the video course and or request a place to work one-on-one with me in person or online. The video course will be great for Auditory & Visual Learners or people who just want more detail on exact relationship methodologies and how to apply them in every day life. The one-on-one fun work we do together is absolutely wild and life-changing. It’s literally a hold-your-hand method for Kinesthetic Learner and people who don’t want to waste a single second more of turning their wheels and try to figure it out themselves.
Whatever you choose, know in your heart that I am here to support you on this journey. I know exactly what it feels like to be at your ropes end, totally confused. So whether I can support you through free blog posts or paid in-depth help, know that I consider it an honor and privilege to serve you.
