How to be the Prize, not the Placeholder
Men tend to place women into one of two categories - a Prize or a Placeholder.
We all know that getting into a relationship with someone means taking some risks. You hope it will last, but you can't say for sure if it will or not. But you can tell how serious your partner is about the relationship by looking for red flags that could suggest you're just a Placeholder.
In a dating relationship, place-holding occurs when one partner is fully invested, but the other is still on the lookout for "the one" (consciously aware of that fact or not).
A Placeholder is a woman who is “convenient for now.” She is good for sex and companionship. A man will not rock the boat with a Placeholder woman unless he sees a Prize come along, in which case he will quickly try to find a way to get rid of the Placeholder to chase the Prize.
As a Placeholder, you provide all the usual relationship-related services for your partner, but you are simply filling the void until someone "better" comes along. In spite of how long you may have been dating, your partner is aware that you are not the one he wants. So either way, the relationship will end.
No man can ever make you a Placeholder unless you let him. It’s time to give yourself a good hard look to see where you stand.
Behaviors & Beliefs of Placeholder
She is afraid to lose him or be alone.
Her clothing makes her appear overaly sexual and readily available.
She doesn’t know what she wants or needs from a relationship.
List ItemShe asks him about how he feels about her or the relationship.
She lacks strong personal boundaries and is afraid to say “no.”
She worries about him losing interest.
Her schedule and social life revolve around him.
She breaks plans with friends to accomadate his last-minute invitation.
She is desperate for his attention.
She tries to be the perfect woman for him.
She chases him by planning dates, texting first, and pushing the relationship “forward.”
Before diving into how to be the Prize in the relationship, you should first understand the 5 subtle signs that you’re a Placeholder in the relationship.
1. He never makes plans or constantly waits til the last minute
Refusing to discuss future plans is a serious red flag. People who use their partners as Placeholders may be hesitant to talk about anything that isn't immediately in front of them. Someone who doesn't think about you long-term wants to live each day as it comes rather than focus on a future with you.
Do not believe your partner's excuses like "I’m just an in the moment kind of guy.” A similar issue arises if they are successful in making plans but regard them as if they're always “up in the air and of no importance if they don't play out.” Basically, it shows that you're not a priority; you're there when it's convenient. Plans would matter if you weren't a Placeholder; you'd be a priority, undoubtedly.
2. You’re a rebound
If you started dating immediately after he ended a relationship, chances are you're the rebound and the Placeholder. Although the just-out-of-an-LTR relationship is commonly referred to as a rebound, placeholding also contributes to this phenomenon. Some men experience loneliness and quickly find new girlfriends in order to lessen their suffering following a breakup.
Rebound relationships can be steamy, seductive, and fast-paced, but they can also be short-lived. Anyone looking to date you immediately after a breakup might be using you as a Placeholder. Having said that, some rebound relationships can succeed if both partners are motivated to improve themselves and work on their respective personal growth.
3. The relationship never progresses
You're not the constant girlfriend. You only date when it's convenient. He doesn't invest much time or effort in the relationship. Relationships should develop, not remain static. If your relationship feels like it's stuck in a loop, it probably is. In truth, even though we may still feel compassion for the other person, we also need to feel love and compassion for ourselves. And in this instance, this love entails moving on. Don't allow anyone to put your spirit on a shelf. Be strong. Love yourself. You are more valuable. Recognize it!
4. He doesn’t respect you
If your partner doesn't treat you with respect, you're definitely a Placeholder. One of the most important aspects of a relationship, right up there with trust, honesty, and love, is respect. Respect means communicating, being on time, and asking for your opinion. If your partner doesn't, toss him
5. You’ve never met his friends or family
Even though you've been together for a while, he won't introduce you to anyone who matters to him, such as friends or family. He's willing to hang out whenever he chooses but not integrate you into his life. Don't accept his excuses. There comes a time in a relationship when your worlds should collide, and you should know the people in each other's lives if the relationship is serious or has a future. If a year has passed and you haven't met his mother, with whom he is close, ask and take note of what happens.
Now that you understand what a Placeholder is, it’s time to know how to be the Prize. The "Prize" is sought after by many competitors. A Prize has no trouble waiting for what they really desire. There are many possible partners vying for the attention of the Prize in a relationship. She believes she is valuable, has a positive sense of self, and are sure that anyone would be lucky to be in a relationship with them. Other individuals are okay with pursuing the "Prize" because they see the worth in her.
A woman who’s a Prize in the relationship will show the following:
She is either stable financially or actively working to be stable.
She stand and sits up straight with her shoulders back, spine straight, and eyes up.
She exudes a magnetic presence in every space they occupy
If a man is being disrespectful or crosses a boundary, she will let him know without being nasty or losing her cool. She will toss him if he repeats the mistake.
Men stop chasing Placeholders because they tend to lose attraction for a woman they’ve got “in the bag.” Men are hunters! There is no fun in hunting a scared bunny stuck in a cage. He loses interest in her and begins to have a wandering eye for other women.
The adrenaline and appeal of the hunt for a wild and challenging animal that you have to stalk and coax for miles. When you finally get her, you find her more valuable because you’ve had to earn her. She is a Prize that a man cherishes because it represents his success in overcoming obstacles. She is his sense of pride.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Just because you’ve got a kicking social life, a degree, a great job, financial independence, and good looks doesn’t mean you’re not a Placeholder.
Behaviors & Beliefs of Prizes
She possesses and communicates her boundaries.
She knows the value of her time and attention.
She rejects subpar treatment from men.
She possesses an abundance mindset about quality men.
In stressful situations, she communicates calmly and clearly
She expresses her feelings without accusations
She lives life passionately and from a place of depth.
She leans back and allows men to pursue and please her.
She respects herself and her body.
She is self-aware and practices personal growth.
She communicates expectations to men and rejects men if they don’t meet them.
Being the Prize is about your core beliefs and values. If you need help, I’d love to work on this with you.
Hey love, let’s stay together…
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