Heal Your Broken Heart in Just 3 Steps
Japanese Woman Performing the Art of Kintsugi Vintage Renaissance Photo | All Rights Reserved by Amanda Leon
How can you mend a broken heart? Do you ponder for weeks, months, or even years why something went wrong? Do you go through every situation that led up to the breakup, trying to understand what happened? Make pros and cons lists? Do you follow the sage old advice of “the best way to get over a man is to get under one?”
The likelihood is that you've ponder one or more of these questions in the past. You wouldn't be the only one. Trust me. Unfortunately, none of these strategies are successful. Another broken heart in your next relationship is a common effect of all of these methods. After all of this heartache, do you really want to repeat the experience? Do you truly want a new relationship to fail? Do you really want to go through this agonizing cycle for years on end?
If not, the following is critical: It's not possible to repair a broken heart by ignoring the agony and repeating the behaviors in a new relationship, by clinging to the heavy, excruciating sadness as a self-flagellating memory of the lost love, or by overthinking and overanalyzing yourself into a pit of melancholy confusion.
I have been guilty of every single one of these... Over and over and over again. I decided that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing and expecting different results. I discovered a better method: a method that would allow you to take back control of your love life and attract guys who will treat you with the respect and admiration that you deserve.
Step 1: Let your emotions run through
No matter if you're "attached" to a man who's enticing you with breadcrumbs of love or you've taken the difficult decision to break up with your partner, heartbreak is never pleasurable - plain and simple.
To avoid the pain of heartbreak, most of us will go to any lengths necessary (even staying in a dead relationship for an extended period of time!). Neurochemically it’s like trying to quit a cocaine addiction.
However, this is exactly where you need to be - in touch with your own thoughts and feelings.
Rather than dismissing them. Or pretending that they don't exist at all. Or deeming them incorrect. Or striving to dodge them until you find yourself at the bottom of an ice cream pint.
The only way to experience them is to allow them to flow through you. Give those feelings their day in court. Let them be felt, all the way through. It’s the only way they will ever release you from their hold
You can do this right now by taking a moment to sense your own heart. What's there? Do you have any thoughts or feelings right now?
If you're grieving the loss of the man you adored and the dreams of a long-term relationship that he inspired in you, allow yourself to experience that sorrow and grief fully.
In the face of betrayal, rejection, or abandonment, it's okay to feel a bit of wrath.
Make room for fear in your life if you're terrified of what the future holds.
You must feel what is TRUE for YOU, no matter how difficult, messy, unpleasant, convoluted, perplexing, or terrible it feels.
Be honest with yourself and others - don't pretend everything is fine when it isn't. Let go of the idea that you're somehow less distraught than you should be. Don't think about it too much; just feel what's truly going on.
Don't go on about what might have been, what should have been, what ifs, and the like, and don't run into the arms of a stranger to distract yourself.
The flip side of this coin is harmful wallowing, which you may prevent by allowing yourself to feel it totally and thoroughly.
Instead of trying to stifle or suppress your feelings, try allowing them to flow freely and unhindered.
Step 2: Redirect the focus to you (and away from him!)
When a woman's heart is shattered, she tends to fixate on the person who caused the pain. Again, this is because evolutionarily and biochemically women, more so than men, are relational in nature. We can’t help it. It is literally wired into us.
We don't know why he dumped us. In our minds, we are always re-evaluating our actions. We're looking for a way to win him back…. even if in reality we don’t even want him! Rejection is not a familiar feeling to us.
That said, love does not depend on a particular man. In spite of the fact that it may seem like that, it's not. To be in love means to both love and be loved. Feeling the flow of love into and out of your body. As though it were a river coursing through you.
Only a portion of what you were exchanging with the man you were in love with was an exchange. Some guys are better at exchanging love than others, and this is especially true if YOU are the one who has the ability to do it.
In order to exchange love, you must first be able to love yourself fully, entirely, without limitations - you must love everything about yourself. You must first love yourself. Your self-loving presence is what allows him to be his best self and give you love because he knows he's accepted by you because you unconditionally accept yourself.
Assume, for the sake of argument, that you are going through a breakup, but you are still in love with the person (who may have been a real jerk at times). And there's a part of you that believes that if you can just make him see how wonderful you are, he'll want you back and stop behaving like a jerk.
To please him, you're constantly thinking of ways to show him your best self, how much hotter and more adventurous you can be. And you try to persuade him to reconsider his decision to end things with you.
But here's the problem: this doesn't function at all. An attraction to a woman isn't motivated by what she can accomplish for him or how she changed to win his affections.
A man falls in love with a lady who can express all of her feelings and wishes, and who is not scared to do so (even the messy ones). How comfortable, confident, and empowered you are in your own feminine power is what's most important here. And to do this, you must be completely honest with yourself, particularly in terms of how you FEEL.
Many women get sucked into this unhealthy cycle of focusing so much on the guy that they neglect their own feelings. These women (and I was once upon a time, one of them!) are as emotionally unavailable and manipulative as the emotionally unhealthy and unavailable men they attract.
Yes, you manipulate the situation when you do everything you can to keep a guy, such as being polite, lovely, kind, and saying the "correct" things. Not being honest with yourself.
The wrong kind of men will be drawn to this, and it will damage a wonderful relationship.
Step 3: You need to give yourself 100% commitment
You're neglecting your innermost feelings every time you give your full attention to him. In order to connect with the actual you, you must be honest with yourself and your feelings. Without doing this, you're also missing out on a chance to discover if he'll treat you and your needs with respect. You're looking for a partner who'll treat you like the goddess you truly are, not just any man.
Can you commit to cherishing and valuing yourself for who you truly are, with all of your flaws and inadequacies included?
That means acknowledging all of your feelings, including the ones you don't want to acknowledge.
When you're feeling uncomfortable, unhappy, nervous, or furious, don't hide.
In order to share these feelings with him, you must first share them with yourself. At first, this may seem frightening. To be vulnerable is scary if you're not used to letting others see that side of yourself. It takes a lot of courage to be open and honest with a man about your difficult feelings, yet it is exactly what makes him trust you.
It's a good place to begin if you're afraid or hesitant. Why? In order to appear 'perfect,' put together, or good enough to a prospective suitor, many women try to disguise their feelings.
It won't take a quality man long to pick up on this lack of genuineness. When you begin to open up about your feelings, be honest about how frightening it might be. The more genuinely you present yourself to men, the more attractive you will appear to them.
When it comes to the men in your life, you'll probably scare them into submission (In fact, it's a good sign.) In order to be a good partner, a man must be willing and able, to be honest with himself and with you.
Your ideal man is looking for a woman who is at ease with her own softness and who is able to express that vulnerability to him. You'll wish you'd figured this out sooner because he'll be so madly attracted to you.
Though it may be difficult for you at first, remember that it's not about the person.
It's all about YOU.
So, stop dwelling on the man, the loss of the good aspects of the relationship, or whatever it is that has captured your attention. There must have been some very good grounds for the breakup of the relationship. Look at the things that didn't work for you, too, if he decided to call it quits on it.
This means allowing yourself to feel upset or angry because you recognize that he was simply being himself, and you're most likely feeling heartbroken and angry because YOU had needs and expectations he didn't meet.
He may seem like a douche for contributing to the breakup, but this is not about him... It's all about YOU. It's impossible to transform him into a better person by attempting to coax him into it, by sobbing, or by convincing, or by any other sensible or dramatic antics.
In order to change his character, you must focus on meeting your own requirements rather than on changing him. The only way to make him want to be a better man is to make yourself so irresistible and attractive to yourself that he can't resist you.
To do this, you must first learn to love and accept yourself.
I'll show you a new way to date that never allows you to get too attached to one man. Rather, it will actually work to attract the right man to you. The best part is that it requires you to do less of the things that scream "chasing" and "neediness" to him instead of feeling attractive and magnetic.
If you need more that what is offered in my blog, you can consider getting my book HOW TO MAKE MEN CHASE YOU:
Six secret keys to linking your heart to a man’s.
A new kaleidoscope that will recolor all of the false beliefs that you’ve learned about relationships and men.
What’s the #1 bad habit keeping you trapped in a destructive love cycle - and #1 good habit that will get you the love you want
The three rules that will make fighting and tension *poof* disappear, which allows joy and communication to flow in your relationship
Why the brain weights negative experience 20x more heavily than positive experiences, and how balancing the scales brings a man closer to you
How to transform ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) into APEs (automatic positive experiences) to get exactly what you need and want from men.
The #1 biggest turn-off mistake that women make when dating and how to “edit undo” it so you can receive more attention and affection with way less effort.
Why men pull away and seemingly stop feeling and four simples steps that topple anger and resentment blocks that keep him from returning to you
The exact scripts to use to communicate with a man so he (1) understands your true feelings and (2) want to take action to make you happy. He will feel that your souls are intimately connected, and he will feel the overwhelming desire to be your hero and give you want you want
How to permanently change your “energy vibration” to become instantly more attractive and irresistible to men
Five ways that make men feel more appreciated so he instinctively gives more love. When you finally give up over-functioning and resentment (for him and your kids), you man will have space to naturally do more for you.
Heartbreak is never pleasant. And none of us look forward to going through it. However, I invite you might take this as an opportunity to change how you interact with men and get a much better response. You can find yourself suddenly in charge of everything and easily attracting a great man who will value you as the prize that you are!
Hey love, let’s stay together…
You don’t have to go through difficulty alone. You are never alone. If you need more help beyond what the free blog can provide for you, I’m here for you. My researched blogs will always be free because I want to help as many women as possible Raise the Bar, which will make the world a better, safer, and happier place for all of us.
If you’re still struggling, I’d love to invite you to get the book by clicking here. The book is great for “Do-It-Youself-ers” and Reading & Writing Learners. There are incredible, scientifically backed writing exercises in there that can transform your life if you practice them.
Finally, if you want to supercharge your relationship at lightening speed, I have two options for you: join the waitlist for the video course and or request a place to work one-on-one with me in person or online. The video course will be great for Auditory & Visual Learners or people who just want more detail on exact relationship methodologies and how to apply them in every day life. The one-on-one fun work we do together is absolutely wild and life-changing. It’s literally a hold-your-hand method for Kinesthetic Learner and people who don’t want to waste a single second more of turning their wheels and try to figure it out themselves.
Whatever you choose, know in your heart that I am here to support you on this journey. I know exactly what it feels like to be at your ropes end, totally confused. So whether I can support you through free blog posts or paid in-depth help, know that I consider it an honor and privilege to serve you.
