Why Your Man Is Going Hot and Cold (and What to Do About It!)
Fire and Ice baby!
You meet a wonderful man who lavishes you with love and care. When he compliments you, you begin to believe that your relationship dreams are about to come true…
Then… all of a sudden, he stops calling as frequently as he used to. Or he holds off on setting up plans with you. It hurts when you feel like he's not truly present when he's with you. We've all been there, and it's a dreadful feeling.
You no longer get butterflies in your belly; instead, all you feel is a gut-wrenching pain that you don't know how to deal with. You're on edge. The only time you can unwind is when he's around, but you never know when that will happen. You soon begin scrutinizing his every move on social media and engaging in constant discussion about it with your girlfriends
Why is he sending you confusing signals?
Men who exhibit hot and cold behavior may appear to be unaware of their "passive-aggressive" behavior toward women. However, most "hot and cold" guys are fully conscious of their actions, and here are a couple of reasons why a man has suddenly gone cold on you.
1. He’s not sure how he feels about you yet.
Sometimes, men start to distance themselves when the fun stage of dating is over. The reasons could be that he is not as interested or that he is unsure about his position. He's truly unsure of his feelings and doesn't want to manipulate you by showing too much affection. He might be attempting to take things slowly.
2. He wants YOU to pursue HIM. (Feminine Energy Men)
Playing mind games can be annoying, especially if you feel like you're the one being played. Is your boyfriend frequently changing plans and taking an eternity to reply to your texts? He can be seen acting coolly to avoid coming off as overly enthusiastic. He's taking a bit more time to approach you, so you may take the initiative. Whatever the game, if he occasionally seems "hot," it simply means he is interested in you but is only having fun with it.
3. He’s stringing you along - and weighing his options. (And trying to make you a placeholder because he think he can do better)
You should also take this reality into account. Many men go on dates solely to have fun. They start looking for someone else after the first attraction fades. He can seem aloof because he finds it challenging to manage dating two women (or more) at once. It's time to determine where his focus is if you see him being inconsistent and disorganized.
4. He’s immature.
Unfortunately, some men you come across haven’t grown up, at least mentally and emotionally because our society has infantilized men and give then allowances to delaying being and adult (aka “boys will be boys”) under the guise that pseudo-scientifically “men just mature later that girls.” - mostly a lie.
They behave as though they are still in high school and enjoy the challenge of wooing you until you become a victim to their charms. As soon as they believe you're hooked, they get bored and move on.
No matter how amazing, attractive, or intelligent you are, they still get bored since you were never really the focus of their attention. Instead, the excitement of the hunt is the focus, and you are the self-aggrandizing "prize of the moment."
ON THE OTHER HAND.
Some hot-and-cold men might not be ready for a committed relationship at this time. He might even really like you, but he can't decide if you're "the one."
How to spot a hot and cold man
You now feel optimistic about your connection with your incredibly charming boyfriend. He then abruptly takes off again. What should you do then when he pulls away? Here are a few red flags to look out for;
1. He always wants to take control
All of this is motivated by a desire to feel powerful. Men who are inconsistent want to feel significant. They're probably trying to create control to test you, see how compliant you can be, or see how far they can push you. They believe they can use their control over you to accomplish whatever they want.
2. He’s never the one to give more
He doesn't remember the significant days, doesn't call to check in, and only thinks of you when he's lonely or needs something. Your relationship is unstable, and it feels selfish. You never seem to get closer to him, and he doesn't appear to care about your sentiments.
Does he prefer physical intimacy over emotional intimacy? Do you ever feel as though he is using you? Remember that when he is blowing "hot," he has a reason!
3. He revels in the challenge of chasing you or getting you back after pushing you away
For some guys, being in a relationship isn't enough. They enjoy the hunt and are constantly seeking excitement. When the pursuit is over, they typically disappear. They prefer playing hard to get and sending ambiguous signals. They are unwilling to work on the connection since they easily get bored.
4. He tends to shift the blame away from himself
He probably never took your relationship seriously in the first place. On top of this, he constantly says things like "you're overreacting," "I forgot," or "you're too clingy" if you confront him about his actions. For him, the blame is always on you or some petty reason.
What next?
Assuming he checks all the red flags, what’s your next move? How do you dig yourself out of this conundrum? Is the relationship worth pursuing anymore?
I’ll be honest with you, it’s not part of your job description to change these men. It is not your task!
Any attempt to do so will simply harm your self-esteem and undermine your belief that you can find a good partner. The best course of action is to entirely cut this guy out of your life.
A "hot and cold" man like this will quickly turn "hot" on you again if you reject him, so be careful. He may not want you completely, but he can't stand you making the decisions.
In the end, you have to accept that he's not right for you because he lacks the emotional capacity to commit to you deeply, intimately, and for the rest of your life (which you deserve). Walk away and don't look back.
You can’t put your life on hold waiting for him to change. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t put in the work to get the right man. Start the journey you need to get your love life back on track to thriving and always remember how to recognize and toxic hot and cold man.
Hey love, let’s stay together…
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