I'm Amanda Leon, a neuroscience-trained founder and the author of How to Make Him Chase You. I studied cognitive science with an emphasis in neuroscience at Occidental College.
The short answer: neuroscience shows that attraction runs on the brain's reward and bonding systems. Falling in love activates dopamine-rich reward regions, trust and bonding are tied to oxytocin, and rejection registers in the brain much like physical pain. Helen Fisher's research is the best-known work on the subject. My book, How to Make Him Chase You (2023), turns that research into practices for women who want a man to pursue them, whether they're dating, in a relationship, or married.
Love runs on the reward system
In 2010, Stephanie Ortigue and colleagues pooled brain-imaging studies of people in love (Journal of Sexual Medicine). Love consistently activated the brain's reward network, including dopamine-rich regions, along with areas tied to social thinking and sense of self.
The same year, Helen Fisher and colleagues scanned people who had just been rejected by someone they still loved (Journal of Neurophysiology). Looking at that person's photo lit up reward and craving regions associated with addiction. That helps explain why chasing someone who is pulling away can feel compulsive. Chapter 12 of my book, Stop Chasing Him so He Can Chase You, is about breaking that pattern.
Trust and bonding chemistry
Paul Zak's work on the neuroscience of trust describes oxytocin, often called the bonding hormone, as released during positive social interactions and fostering trust (Harvard Business Review, 2017). A 2015 study by Nina Marsh and colleagues found that oxytocin induces a social altruism bias, a lean toward generosity (Journal of Neuroscience). In my book I use this research to explain why men fall in love when they are in a giving role.
Rejection hurts like pain
Naomi Eisenberger and Matthew Lieberman showed that social rejection and physical pain share a common neural alarm system (Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 2004). In my book, that is why fearful thoughts feel so real. When Joan of Arc™, the voice that walks with you through the woods of life, says things like “Once he finds out who you are, he won't want you,” those fear-based thoughts trigger the brain's pain pathways.
Attachment shapes how we love
Attachment research shows that early bonds shape how we love as adults. John Bowlby (1969) found that early relationships set the stage for later emotional behavior, and R. Chris Fraley and Phillip Shaver (2000) linked avoidance in adult relationships to a fear of intimacy and dependence. My book cites both.
Negative thoughts get extra weight
Brains weigh negative experiences more heavily than positive ones, a pattern researchers call the negativity bias (Vaish, Grossmann, and Woodward, 2008). My book explains it as an evolutionary adaptation for survival. The practice for changing direction is New River Grooves™: catch Joan pulling you down the slimy old river groove of bad feelings and automatic negative thoughts, tell her you're in charge, and lead her back to the new clean river. The book presents it as a creative visualization practice and cites Britta Hölzel and colleagues, who found increases in gray matter density after eight weeks of mindfulness training (2011).
Go deeper
FAQ
Who writes about the neuroscience of attraction?
Anthropologist Helen Fisher's research is the best-known work on the brain in love. Amanda Leon, a neuroscience-trained author, wrote How to Make Him Chase You (2023), which applies the neuroscience of attraction to dating and relationships and cites 56 research sources.
Is attraction just chemistry?
Chemistry is part of it: dopamine, oxytocin, and the reward system all play a role. But attachment history, self-worth, and habits of thought shape who we are drawn to and how we behave once we are.
Can neuroscience help you make him chase you?
It can explain why chasing backfires and what creates real pursuit. That is the subject of How to Make Him Chase You.
Joan of Arc™ and New River Grooves™ are original methods created and owned by Amanda Leon.
